Impending birthdays cause me to ponder life. Inside, I still feel young, perhaps a bit wiser, but still the same in many ways. Getting out of bed sometimes tells a different story. Our aging bodies remind us that many years have passed since that last cartwheel or jump from a swing. My Mom, who was full of quips, would often say, “Just wait, kid.” And now I know exactly what she meant.

Aside from the physical aspects of aging, each birthday draws us one step closer to the end of life as we know it. This often brings nostalgia and self-reflection. I’ve had a lot of God echoes lately, and I realize He’s reminding me to keep moving, not only physically but in other ways as well. While age has its privileges, one of them is not resting on our laurels. As Christians, the work God has given us to do is not finished until we take our last breath. That day will sooner or later come, but we need not fret about it or focus on it too much. Many younger ones have already reached their eternal reward. The blessing of a longer life includes responsibility.

With each new day, I see reminders from the Lord. Specifically, He’s been repeating three things in my reading and scrolling lately. First, He’s been reminding me of the path to peace: “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Thee, for he trusteth in Thee.” This verse from Isaiah is one I memorized during a dark period of depression. Over the years, when faced with worry or fear, it has calmed me and given me true peace. Second, joy has become a prevailing theme in this part of my story. Psalm 16:11 has been popping up a lot lately: “You make known to me the path of life; You fill me with joy in your presence.” Finally, and much to my chagrin, He’s been addressing my procrastination. I’ve come to realize that procrastination isn’t just a productivity problem. It’s a spiritual problem. Tim Challies put it this way, “I came to understand that God put me on this earth to bring glory to him by doing good for others. If that is the case, then procrastination hinders my ability to carry out my purpose. It is downright evil.” Ouch. While painful, a good toe stomping is often just what we need from those who lead us in God’s path.

Peace. Joy. And… Purpose. Those seem to be my words for this year. I’m excited to embrace the first two, and hopeful that the third will not be as difficult as it seems. Thankfully, Tim Challies didn’t just trample my toes and walk away. He also shares his wisdom on overcoming procrastination: “…the way to do this was to begin my day with prayer, to commit all my tasks to the Lord, and to remind myself that the best and highest kind of productivity is to effectively steward my gifts, talents, time, energy, and enthusiasm for the good of others and the glory of God.” As I craft this into a prayer for myself, I realize once again that only God can help me achieve peace, joy, and purpose as I surrender to Him and His plan. Thankfully, I can trust His faithfulness and love for me. So, to my 62nd birthday, I say, “Bring it!”

On the eve of my birthday, I’m reflective. It was snowing when I took my pup out this morning. It glittered in the spotlight, so lovely. And as it always does, it brought me great joy. It’s impossible to capture some things with a camera lens. It’s only with our soul that we experience the deepest beauty in this life.

I find myself wondering where the years have gone. Each time I blink, decades seem to pass. My children are grown and making lives for themselves. My nest is empty, save some four legged babies. My house is tidier (except for pet fur), and my heart is full. Thankfulness is my primary emotion. What a beautiful life God has given me. It’s not been without trails, but God’s faithfulness has shone through each one. And as I draw closer to heaven, I am content knowing where I will spend eternity. But I’m also certain I have work yet to do.

The past two years have brought immeasurable pain. My Dad passed suddenly, without warning. My Mom descended deeply into dementia. Both losses are ongoing, and bring tears without warning. And yet, my greatest joy to date was born last May: My first grandchild, a gorgeous baby girl. Depths and heights; all part of this journey.

A dream was also fulfilled this past year. We bought a house at the beach. Not on the beach, as I would have liked, but close. And much more beautiful than I ever imagined. It has all the room we’ll need for our growing family, and more amenities than I ever thought possible. It’s surreal. Every time I pull into the driveway, I can’t quite believe it’s truly ours. But it is. Thank you, God!

The passing of time has a way of putting things in perspective. Things I thought were insurmountable when I was younger are laughable now. Everything changes and yet, there is nothing new under the sun. We’re all looking for love. Acceptance. Encouragement. Kindness. These are the things that make life worthwhile. And all of these are found in our Creator, the God of heaven and earth. In Him we find the meaning of life, and in finding it, we in turn share it with others. We can do without much in this life if we have the Lord.

As I look to another year, I know not a day is promised but today. So I will treasure every moment: The snow falling outside my window, the birds at the feeder, the dog at my feet, the grandchild in my arms, the sand under my shoes. I will work and play, and laugh and cry. And I will be thankful for the pain, for it means I loved and was loved in return. I hope as this year unfolds, I will find new ways to serve God and love others. As Jean-Luc Picard would say, “Make it so!”

Logging onto WordPress this morning, I noticed it was November of 2016 when I wrote my last blog. This correlates directly to the time I began writing my daily thankful posts, so it’s no surprise I haven’t felt the need to blog since then. Today, however, is different. It’s a day of transitions, and I need to let the words flow…

As I wrote in my daily Facebook post this morning, Josh moved in with my Mom yesterday. Today is our first day as “empty nesters.” Some long for the days when their children are grown and move out on their own. We are not of that ilk. Rather, we cherished our time with our boys. Obviously, there were days I could have pulled my hair out. But our children are the best thing we’ve done in this life. We poured our hearts and souls into raising them to know God and love people. And now that the time has come for them to move on with their lives, it’s bittersweet. We are thrilled they are able to stand on their own, but we miss the days when we could hold and cuddle them, the days when they needed us. Instead, we get brief hugs and sometimes long phone calls. And we smile through our tears when we realize they are, indeed, adults. Just as it should be. Just as God intended.

Another terrible, yet blessed, transition will take place this afternoon. Mom and I will be attending the memorial service for a dear friend’s husband. The two of us have been friends since our boys were small, sharing meals when our husbands were working long hours and commiserating over the joys (and woes) of parenting boys. Her husband had been ill for some time and her care of him was staunch and protective. He has been released from his suffering and has celebrated his “heavenly birthday,” but we are here without him and we mourn. I am blessed to call her friend and doubly blessed to be by her side as she walks through this valley. She did the same for me when I lost my Dad earlier this year. I pray peace over her and her son as they travel this difficult road.

And, finally, I find myself ready to launch out in new directions. For 28 years, I have been “Mom.” This coming Spring, Lord willing, I will become “Mum-Mum” to a sweet baby girl. In the meantime, there is much to accomplish. I changed seats in the living room this morning. It seemed appropriate that I move over to “Josh’s seat” to write my post. A new place. A new perspective. And as I sat where he always sat, I remembered a quote that’s painted on a lovely chair in my hallway. The chair was an award from my sponsor in The Longaberger Company many years ago for becoming a VIP in sales. The company is gone now, but the pretty chair remains. And the quote? “I have found that sitting in a place that you have never sat before can be inspiring.” The author of the quote was Dodie Smith, an English novelist and playwright. The irony is not lost on me.

So, what’s on the horizon? A number of things, several of which have been unfinished over the years of child rearing: A novel I began when I worked as a legal secretary before Jason was born, a manuscript of devotions for a book contract, a jewelry business that’s been little more than a hobby, and, perhaps, a new endeavor or two. My Mom is, and will continue to be, a priority; it is a privilege to care for her as she cared for my brother and me all those years ago. My husband will undoubtedly be happy to have more of my attention now, and I will continue to help out at the office as needed. My house, too, will hopefully be more tidy now that it’s just the two of us. (Although there will still be plenty of fur from the two dogs and the cat.) I will be spending some time in Maple Valley, Washington, once our grandbaby is born. Beyond that, who knows? Well, God does. In fact, I’m so thankful that even when I don’t know what’s going to happen, He does. And I am happy to trust Him with the future, and with all the transitions to come.

I don’t know about you, but this has been a rough week for me.  The elections aside (and yes, I am so glad they are in the rearview mirror), the week just didn’t go as I had planned. Primarily,  I’ve been “confined” for the past three days with a bad cold.  Let’s just say that I am not a good patient.  I don’t like being sick, and I especially don’t like having my plans thwarted.  (Ex:  I’m writing this blog from my couch instead of attending worship this morning.)  But, in the end, good has once again come out of what I perceived as a bad situation.

Those who know me well can attest to the fact that I love to be on the go.  I fill my days with breakfasts with friends, grocery shopping, appointments, Bible studies, lunches with family, banking, BJ’s runs, meal prep, visits with the parents, etc.  I don’t allow much room in my schedule for down time.  And, it would seem, every time my schedule gets a bit too frenzied (which is actually how I like it) God, in His infinite wisdom, throws up a stop sign.  Those stop signs most often come in the form of injuries and illnesses that require rest for healing.  Now, I know what you’re thinking:  God hurts me to quiet me?  No, but He ALLOWS those things in my life to slow me down.  (And quite honestly, sometimes I unwittingly bring them on myself.)

In retrospect, this week’s illness actually came at an ideal time.  Sounds crazy, I know.  But it’s true.  I realize now that I’d been pushing myself too hard.  In September, I began working as a beta-tester for a friend who was starting an on-line personal training business.  When I say “working” I mean that literally, because I took a very hardline approach to my new fitness regime.  No missed workouts, no excuses, and always trying to do more than required.  I was determined to be my friend’s biggest success story.  This dedication (or obsession as Jeff calls it) was a bit over the top, and it ended up backfiring.  My weight loss slowed as I overtaxed my body on a limited supply of calories.  I was losing inches, which was good, but the scale stubbornly refused to go below a certain point for over three weeks, which had me majorly frustrated.  Then I got sick.  Two days on the couch and the scale showed an improbable drop.  What?  Yep, rest and recovery equaled weight loss.  (Can I just say that my trainer tried to tell me this?)  And I wonder how my boys ended up being so bullheaded?

But that was the least of what God is showing me.  Foremost, I had time to sit and work on my Bible study.  While on vacation, I got behind in my Beth Moore homework.  (Yes, my cousin Janice and I really did ride our bikes up and down the entire 8 mile-long island, in addition to watching the sun rise on our beach walks every morning.  It was lovely, but exhausting.  I needed to rest after our “vacation,” which indeed was, as defined, “an extended period of recreation.”) Anyway, I wasn’t troubled about getting behind.  I knew I would get the assignments finished, and be ready for our next video lesson.  Or so I thought.  Coming home from 10 days away entails a whole lot more than catching up on my homework assignments.  After another 10 days of frenzied activity, my overtaxed body shut down and I got sick.

Which brings me to how God’s timing is always perfect.  I couldn’t help but smile and shake my head yesterday as I sat working through another of my missed assignments.  This particular lesson, entitled “A Painful Deliverance,” would have meant so much less to me while on vacation.  But after this week (and yes, the election), it was fraught with imperatives that I needed to hear:  First, our feelings and perceptions cannot be the basis of our faith.  Our feelings will deceive us because they are based on what we can see.  And truly, we can’t see the “big picture.”  Only God can.  So we need to trust Him to know what’s best.  Second, faith comes from listening!  But how can I listen to God when I’m always on the go?  The Word of God is always true and God always keeps His promises.  But if I’m not taking the time to be in God’s Word and know His promises, they offer no assurance to me.  Third, God’s deliverance may come from “this ship running aground.”  This was true for Paul in Acts 27, and it’s true for me today.  Heavy winds and raging seas do not always mean I’m on the wrong course.  Sometimes I run aground on the island of God’s will because He couldn’t get me there any other way!  (Think illness and couch, or a painful election.)  And finally, God always has a destination in mind, a place where, once I have been faithful to who He is, He will show me what He can do.  The waters may be rough, and I may have to toss a few things overboard to keep from sinking (i.e. an overloaded schedule or my perception of our new president-elect), but I can believe God WILL deliver me, even in the midst of “Plan B.”  When I release God from my preconceived notions of what I think He should do, my eyes are opened.  All it takes to behold a miracle is to see God do something only He can do!  And don’t we see that all the time if we’re looking?

So, all of that to say, we CAN have peace in troubled times because GOD IS IN CONTROL.  Not only in the lives of His children, but in the future of our nation. God uses flawed individuals to fulfill His plan.  And, after all, we’re all flawed.  But as Homer said “I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.”  Amen.

(Items in italics are direct quotes from Beth Moore’s study “Living Beyond Yourself.”)

Today I am at home with a cold.  It attacked quickly and has confined me to my recliner, covered in a cozy throw made by Mom.  (I stole it from Joshua because he is always stealing mine!)  But, I digress.  I’m home today, not of my choosing, but because I don’t want to spread my germs around.  I also would like to get rid of this malady as quickly as it arrived.  One minute I was fine, the next my throat was aching, and I was sneezing and coughing.

But enough of the details of my illness.  Let’s talk about sick days.  As a kid, I hated them.  They always manifested at absolutely the worst time.  I can’t tell you how many field trips and class parties I missed because I always managed to get sick.  As an adult, sick days are even more inconvenient.  Take today for example.  This morning was the final session of the Bible study that I’ve been attending with a friend.  The FINAL session!!  Can you sense my frustration?  My first inclination was to go anyway.  Common sense eventually won the tug of war and here I am at home.  (Coughing and sneezing my way through Beth Moore’s video was probably not my best idea.)

After messaging my friend of the situation, I settled in to work on some lessons from our study that I missed while on vacation recently.  The attached pic shows my view.  Everything I need within arms reach.  Most importantly, my Bible, my study guide, and my hot tea.  Let me just interject that, as an adult, I’ve found that God usually puts my butt on the recliner when He has better plans for me than I have for myself.  He slows me down so I can rest and sit quietly long enough to hear Him.  He’s shown me over and over again that His timing is perfect, and I might as well not argue.  (Who me? Lol…)

Anyway, God (through Beth Moore) showed me something this morning that I’d like to share with you:  Trusting God is not about getting the results I want, it’s about believing that He is good and will bring about what’s best in His time.  Did you see that?  Not what I want, but what He wants!  Not in my time, but in His time!  We all have circumstances in our lives that we want God to fix.  We pray earnestly, knowing He can fix them.  What happens when He doesn’t?  When the friend with cancer dies?  When the job doesn’t come through?  When the relationship isn’t reconciled?  What then?

I’ve learned there are two kinds of faith:  1. Faith that believes in what God can do and 2. Faith based on who God is.  The first kind of faith says “I trust God as long as He does what I ask.”  This kind of faith depends on results.  The problem with this type of faith is that we can’t see things from God’s perspective.  Isaiah 55:8-9 says that “God’s ways are higher than our ways, and His thoughts are higher than our thoughts.”  Since we can’t possibly see the bigger picture, we don’t know what is best for us or for our future. But God already knows what’s down the road and, many times, He is trying to save us from future heartache by not giving us what we think we want or need.  This type of faith is also fear-based.  We don’t trust God enough to let Him be in charge.

The second type of faith is what God desires from us.  He wants us to WANT a relationship with Him.  He wants us to TRUST Him with all our fears, all our hopes, all our dreams.  And He’s big enough to handle it all!  He loves us and He wants what’s best for us — He KNOWS what’s best for us.  And when we can fully surrender to Him and walk WITH Him in faith and trust, He will give us His dreams and His desires, and they are WAY better than anything we can fathom: “…immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine!”  I have found this to be true so many times in my life, that you’d think I’d be walking with Him in perfect trust.  But, in my humanness, I continue to chafe at His “No” or “Wait” and argue for my own way.  Lovingly, He waits and waits, until I’m ready to say “Okay, not my will but Yours be done.”  And then, AND THEN, comes JOY!

I heard a new song on election day.  I was on my way to meet my cousin for breakfast, and I was listening to Word.FM.  An unfamiliar song came on and as I listened I couldn’t help but smile at God’s timing.  I so needed to hear this song right then, at that very moment.  Angst over that day’s election was overwhelming.  But the chorus struck at the heart of the matter:  “How could I make you so small, When you’re the one who holds it all, When did I forget that you’ve always been the King of the world?” (from King of the World by Natalie Grant)  How DID I forget?  He is the King and He IS in CONTROL!  I don’t have to be afraid of what tomorrow brings.  All I have to do is trust Him and rest in His loving arms.  Yes, even today when I’m sick — especially today when I’m sick — He wants me to rest and just trust Him — THE KING OF THE WORLD!

My favorite bedtime story as a child was about my adoption.  I loved to hear my parents tell me how much they wanted a baby.  And at just the right time — there I was!  What sweet joy it was to hear them tell me over and over how much I was longed for and loved.  They announced my arrival with cards that said “I wasn’t expected, I was selected!”  I can’t think of anything that made me happier than to know how special I was to them.

But there’s so much more to the story than that.  Looking back over all that happened, I can’t help but see the hand of God.  I know now it was the Father’s WILL that I be placed in this loving home, and that His work in my life began long before I was born.  My parents married in 1951 and, after a brief separation due to the Korean War, spent the next ten plus years trying to get pregnant.  I don’t pretend to know the heartache that goes with infertility, but I know that God had a plan all along. Eventually, it was discovered that my mom had endometriosis.  I’m not sure if that revelation came before or after my arrival.  But I do know that I was very young when my mom had surgery for a ruptured ovary due to a “chocolate cyst.”

So after years of tears and prayers, through the power of Jesus who speaks through His WORD, they felt led to adopt.  I can’t help but think about what an exciting and scary proposition that was for them.  (Not to mention the financial side of it.)  But God had willed it, Jesus spoke it into their hearts and the Holy Spirit made a WAY.  You see, somewhere in another family there was heartache of another kind —  an unwanted pregnancy, a bastard child.  I was born “Tina Marie” to a married woman and her lover.  But God, in His perfect plan, knew that was not the end of the story.  This child would find a new home, a new family, a new name — “Joni Lynn.”  And in that home, though not perfect, I was raised as a child of God, deeply loved by Him and by them.

One of my dearest childhood photos is of Mom holding a sleepy me on her shoulder after the trip home from the adoption agency in Harrisburg.  She looks so radiant in the picture.  I think her face just glowed with the joy in her heart.  It was the fruition of years of prayers.  I’m so thankful my Mom chose to be a stay-at-home mom. That is precisely why I wanted to be at home with my boys.  I grew up not even realizing how many sacrifices my parents made for my brother Drew, who was adopted later, and myself.  They just made do and we were happy.  We had their presence rather than their presents.  And in case I needed a reminder of their love, in my bedroom at home –and now in my bathroom where I see it daily — is a plaque in Mom’s handwriting:  “Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone, but still miraculously my own.  Never forget for a single minute, you didn’t grow under my heart, but in it.”  Thank you, God, for the parents of my heart!

Dear God,

Today is Monday, August 1, 2016, and “I had a dream.”  I know it was You speaking to me, drawing me out of the mire of despondency that I’ve found myself in lately.  The enemy whispered lies, and I believed them.  But then You spoke.  First, you spoke through Pastor Glen Osborne yesterday.  You spoke through a sermon I almost missed because I didn’t want to go to church.  But Jeff prevailed and out the door we went.  Thank you, God!  Glen’s sermon was about the seasons of life and his main scripture was from Ecclesiastes.  I could feel my throat tightening and the tears stinging as he read the verses, “a time to be born and a time to die.”  They hit too close to home.  I’ve been sensing mortality – in my loved ones and in myself.  But God gave me hope through Pastor Glen’s words – a tiny spark.  And last evening, for the first time in months, I had “lives” in my Facebook games and I didn’t want to play them.  I found myself desiring more.  Real life, not games on a computer.  Thank you, God.  And this morning I woke before 6am from a dream that inspired and encouraged me.  A dream that could be real – a life where my finances, my time and my health, are ordered and in control.  I awoke with hope, and a desire to change.  Not to be a “slug” as I told my mom I felt like last week, but to be the best me I can be, for whatever time I have left.  The best daughter, the best wife, the best mother, the best friend.  Not seeking perfection, but seeking to live life to the fullest.  Without fear, without shame, without chains.  As the enemy whispers lies to us and we start to believe them, he wraps us in cocoons of self-incrimination and self-doubt.  Those lies become our new truth and we become imprisoned by them – “things will never change,” “the best parts of your life are over,” “it’s all downhill from here.”  All lies.  Thank you, God, for helping me see that the cocoon of lies was becoming a sarcophagus.  But, no more!  You are the giver of life and your Word is true.  Yes, there are seasons of life, and some are painful, but we are not made to stay in one season and live there.  Life is continually changing and we must change with it.  Life is ephemeral, a mist.  And meant to be enjoyed.  Yes, there will be difficulty, trouble – maybe every day.  But there is joy!  Joy in the love of family – parents, spouses, children and, God-willing, grandchildren. And joy in knowing that this not all there is.  An eternity in Heaven awaits God’s children.  The only thing we take with us when we leave our earthly dwelling is our soul.  The shell is left behind.  But while we’re here, that shell is ours to care for.  It is the dwelling place of the Almighty God — the Holy Spirit.  Instead of watching this life pass me by, I’m ready to get back into the game.  As Pastor Glen said yesterday about learning to ride a motorcycle in his 60’s – now he knows why dogs stick their heads out car windows.  Rest assured, I’m not ready to jump on a motorcycle, but I am ready to start living again.  It’s time to shed the cocoon and spread my wings because God has a plan for my life.  And as long as I draw breath, He has a purpose for me.  Help me, Father God, to seek Your will and Your way each day.  I don’t want to sit on the sidelines and watch life pass me by.  I want to be like my parents, who are in their 80’s, and who do more in a day than most people do in a week.  Thank you, Mom and Dad, for a wonderful example of living life to the fullest.  And thank you, Pastor Glen, for your message of hope.  And thank you, God, for still speaking to us in dreams.  And loving us, always, no matter what. 

Amen.

Today has been rough.  Yesterday was worse.  Our big black cat, Ash, died suddenly.  He had not been sick, and we don’t really know what happened.  Jeff thinks he had a heart attack.  One minute he was here and the next minute he was gone.  I wonder if his sister, Smokey, feels as lost and confused as the rest of us.  I thought I had cried all my tears yesterday, but I lost it again today when Smokey jumped up next to me on the couch like Ash used to do.  I closed my eyes as I petted her and pretended just for a moment it was him.  Then I started to sob…

Anyone who has lost a beloved pet knows how we feel today.  The house is too quiet.  Ash was the loudmouth. He would holler if his dish was missing a few bites of food or if the water dish wasn’t completely full.  And he was demanding.  He seemed to be the first one awake in the morning, and he would walk on you to get you awake.  If that didn’t work, he’d sit in the hallway and meow loudly until you got up just so he wouldn’t wake the whole household.  He would also bang his head into you if he wanted your attention and you weren’t quick enough to pet him.  And he wouldn’t take no for an answer!

Did I mention that I didn’t want any more cats?  Jeff and I had cats when we were first married and when they were gone, I vowed never again.  We’ve always had dogs, too, so I did not miss scooping litter boxes or cleaning up cat barf.  But kittens are adorable, and my boys found a brother and sister at the pet store near our home.  Begging ensued: “We’ll take care of them — you won’t have to do anything!”  For a while I held my ground, repeatedly saying “No more cats!”  Eventually, I somehow made a bargain trading good grades for kittens.  I lost.  (Or won, depending on how you look at it.)  “Dobie” and “Zelda” were 2 1/2 months old when we brought them home.  We quickly changed their names to Ash (the black male) and Smokey (the grey female), although we thought about calling them “Run” and “Hide.”  They were very skittish at first, a trait that Ash never outgrew.  He would hide under the bed when we had visitors, only slinking carefully out when he was certain the coast was clear.  My mom was sure we only had one cat.

Fast forward twelve years.  Jason is married and has his own kittens.  Josh is 21 and eager to be out on his own.  As my nest is emptying, my furry children are even more dear.  I’m thankful for my Facebook friends — they have been so sweet.  I’ve had dozens of kind comments regarding Ash’s passing and it means so much to know that others understand.  Some of us just believe a house is not a home without a pet.  But beyond that, losing a pet is a life lesson.  It reminds us that time moves swiftly and that the things we take for granted can suddenly be gone.  Pets teach us about unconditional love.  They greet us when we come home and when we wake up.  They depend on us to take care of their needs.  God gave mankind dominion over the animals of the earth, and put them in our care.  In return, they give us affection and companionship.

As Josh reminded us yesterday:  “‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.”  Ash is gone, but his memory lives on…in the black hair that has so firmly embedded itself in the cat perch, and in our hearts where he will live forever.

Friend, can I speak honestly to you today?  I have been drifting, just drifting through life.  Have you ever felt life rushing by and you are moving in slow motion trying to catch up?  That is exactly what the past year has been like for me.  I tried many, many things to snap out of it.  I tried new eating programs and new workouts.  I tried new devotionals and new churches.  I tried burying myself in on-line games.  I tried shopping therapy.  (While fun, the final tallies are not!)  Nothing worked.

Toward the end of last year, our pastor gave a message on goals for the New Year.  Not resolutions.  Those last about as long as the piece of paper they are written on before it gets lost or the dog eats it.  No, I’m talking about goals that will give you something to reach for, even stretch out of your comfort zone for.  Goals that will change who you are and where you are going.  One of his suggestions was to read the Bible in a year.  Yeah, okay.  Been there, done that.  Truly!  I have made it through one or two times.  But most years, after about a month (or a week) I get behind and give up.  Besides I ALWAYS have one or two or three devotionals that I’m reading.  That’s good, right?

Well, over the course of the next few days, I decided to take a look at some new reading plans.  I just could not face five or six chapters a day from Leviticus or Isaiah.  Not that there’s anything wrong with those books of the Bible, or any others for that matter.  It’s just me.  I have this thing called attention deficit disorder.  Not clinically diagnosed, mind you.  But believe me, I have it.  Without extreme concentration, my mind wonders off on tangents at the slightest provocation.  I joke with my boys that I “wonder as I wander.”  Sometimes literally!  But as J.R.R. Tolkien said “Not all who wander are lost.”

Anyway, I digress.  After searching through many choices on the You Version Bible app, I found one called “JUST JOY!”  The author writes:  “As you work through the Just Joy! Daily Bible Reading Strategy, my hope is that you will spend rich time in the Bible every day and that you will be changed by its power and by its promises!”  Ummhmm.  Joy is not the first word that came to mind when contemplating reading through the entire Bible.  Don’t get me wrong.  I KNOW the power of God’s word to change lives and save souls.  There are just so many dry parts…  Sighing, I clicked on “Start Plan.”  And just like that I set a goal to read the Bible every day, and the entire Bible in a year.

Fast-forward two months.  Can I just say “Yay, God!?!”  As I dutifully set out on this journey, to my surprise I discovered that this reading plan IS different and it IS a joy for my ADD self.  Each day I read from the Old and New Testaments, as well as readings in a Gospel and from the Psalms. Every other month, I read the Book of Proverbs (there’s a chapter for each day of the month).  What started out as a chore has become something I look forward to every day.  I’ve gotten behind by a day, even two, a couple of times, but I always have a DESIRE to sit down and read again.  I can honestly say that in my 52 years I have never felt this level of connection with the entirety of God’s Word.

I admit that at first I felt like I needed to do a devotional, too.  How much would I really get out of only reading the Bible?  Before long, all the devotionals I’ve ever done (and I have some awesome ones on my shelves) paled in comparison to reading God’s own instruction manual.  I love my Kindle, because I can highlight in it just like I do in my own Bible.  I find myself daily highlighting two, three or more verses that leap off the page at me.  I don’t need a devotional, as wonderful as they are, to hear God speaking to me.  For the first time in my life, I understand.  God’s Word truly changes us.  We cannot read it intently and purposely without being changed.

That said, there have been some interesting things happening in my life.  I’m quite certain I’ve never before experienced spiritual attacks such as I have since beginning “Just Joy!”  Addictions that I had long-since put behind me reared their ugly heads.  Not just one, but several.  I began to truly understand the power of the Word of God, and that the enemy will do anything to keep me from reading it.  I’d always heard the saying “The devil doesn’t care how much you talk about praying as long as you don’t actually pray.”  Ditto for reading the Bible.  Distractions would come from every direction — the internet, the phone, the mail, the battery dying on my Kindle.  You name, it’s happened.  Finally, I turned off the wireless internet on my Kindle.  Goodbye Facebook and e-mail.  I put my cell phone in the dining room so I would not be tempted to check notifications.  I pressed on…

And then, slowly, changes began to occur.  Changes that I can only attribute to God.  Changes that have happened, I believe, only because of my faithfulness in attempting to read His Word each day.  I’ve found Joy! in making my cup of tea and settling into the recliner with just my Bible app on my Kindle.  I found Joy! in the stories of the Old and New Testaments that now, reading them a chapter at a time, have really started to solidify in my mind.  I found Joy! in the Psalms and Proverbs — and true wisdom for my days, as well.

But the biggest change is in me.  I’m no longer drifting — thank God!  I’ve found purpose and meaning again.  I’m excited for each new day and what’s ahead.  I’m working out, eating less and focusing better.  Sounds like a magic pill, doesn’t it?  Only there’s no magic involved.  Just the power of the Holy Spirit to work in this girl’s life, and make it better than it’s ever been.  I’ll be the first to admit that this is not my favorite time of year.  Tax season, and all that entails for our family, is perhaps the last place I would ever have expected to find joy.  And yet, I have.  In good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over!